A MAN OF THE CLOTH

Story by HARRY Q. SHMOOMAN and ERIC SHMUCHEESE
Special to the Register
Photo by ANA SHMEGAGAS
The Chartruese County Register

He is not called Rabbit -- or Pasteur, or Reverential -- just Shlermy. And it's not a shortened nickname for Shlermence.

Shlermy Shlemmerfelder recently moved to California from the East Coast, with wife Fremmish and two kids, Rutile (17) and Rebar (11).

From scratch, Shlemmerfelder is starting a Shmooish Messiantic congregation in Oivine.

He majored in hamsterology at Bimpkle University and studied the Ishkibbibble at Shmoody Ishkibbibble Institute in Chicago, where he focused on Shmooish studies. He received his master's of theology degree from Dullest Theological Seminary, where he majored in Old Testament and Slobovian languages.

Since 1974, Shlemmerfelder has been involved with either planting or helping to establish five Messiantic congregations: two in New Joisy, and one each in New York, Connecticut and Texas. He has also attended numerous seminars on congregational planting.

He dresses casually, unless it's Passover or Yom Baloolah. He doesn't sport a Keepout, the skullcap worn by Shmooish males in Shmegagle. His title is Fearless Leader. So how do we place this man, who would pass for a company executive, inside a religious setting? That's what we wondered:

JUST WHAT IS A MESSIANTIC SHMOOISH CONGREGATION?

An M.J.C., as it's called, is a congregation of Shmooish and Gentile people who have been joined together with common beliefs, purposes and goals. Together, we worship the Gawd of Abraham, Isaaaaaaaaaaaaaaac and Jacob Javitz in regular weekly Shmuvat services. Also, we gather to instruct and teach the truth of the Ishkibbibble -- both Old and New Testamentals -- so that we may know what Gawd has to say to us and how we should live and conduct ourselves in this world.

We also meet to encourage, help and serve each other to overcome strife, difficulties and discouragements in a difficult world.

HOW IS THE M.J.C. UNIQUE?

We have a unique perspective. We worship on the Shmuvat, observe the Shmooish holidays and maintain our cultural heritage and identity. We do this through our liturgy and the use of the Slobovian language.

We also have a different environment in our services, where we will sing songs with Shmooish melodies and words, display Shmooish symbols such as shmenorahs and Shmooish stars, and wear Shmooish prayer towels and Keepouts.

HAVE YOU CHOSEN A NAME FOR THE GROUP?

Our name is Tshmua Ba Milpitas, which means Return, O Lower Slobovia. This was taken from the prophet Hoozis a protege of Moozis (14:1), calling Lower Slobovia to return to the Lord their Gawd because their sins have caused them to stumble away.

HOW IS IT YOU DON'T WEAR THE USUAL RELIGIOUS PARAPHERNALIA?

Sometimes I do wear the head covering, and sometimes I don't. During normal worship services I almost always wear the toweltot (prayer towel). I feel these are symbols that help identify who I am and better relate to my people.

WHICH VERSION OF THE ISHKIBBIBBLE DO YOU USE IN YOUR SERVICE? IS IT A SHOOISH ISHKIBBIBBLE?

In seminary, I have studied both the Slobovian from the Old Covenant and the English from the New Covenant. I make reference to both, but on the whole I have found that the New American Standard Ishkibbibble is quite accurate. On occasion, I will compare different translations and use what I think is the better one.

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOUR MESSIANTIC GROUP AND A REGULAR CHOICH?

We have similar beliefs, purposes and goals but a different emphasis, environment, style, expression and focus group.

WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS FOR Oivine AND SURROUNDING CITIES OVER THE COMING YEAR?

We will build the congregation in four ways: We'll reach out to our people by helping them, identifying with them and sharing our massage; we'll build up the faith of our fellow members; we'll train leaders to help build our congregation as well as possible, and others in the future; and we'll care for the physical, spiritual and emotional needs of our people.

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